Grieving Professional and Community Loss

Why pausing to process is key to regaining productivity

There is something about the tech world that feels like a roller coaster lately. The surge of pandemic-fueled hiring has given way to successive rounds of layoffs, creating fear and instability. Suddenly, workers who seemed invincible find themselves dusting off resumes and competing for jobs, while those left behind struggle with survivor guilt and wonder if their jobs are at risk, too. 

Corporate changes can knock the wind out of you, making everyone second-guess their place in the company and what leaders are really up to. The emotional aftermath slows people down and casts a lingering shadow over the organization.

The best places to work? They get that people need a moment. They set up times for people to air out their feelings, whether in small group discussions or heart-to-hearts with their managers.

Voicing what we are experiencing can help us move forward. Psychologist and author Henry Cloud is onto something with his idea of “metabolizing the experience.” It’s like digesting the good and bad from what happens to us—keeping what makes us stronger and ditching the rest.

The popular television series This is Us has a scene that perfectly illustrates what can happen if we don’t take the time we need to grieve. Our emotions leak out when we least expect it.  In the scene, a mother is grocery shopping a few weeks after the loss of one of her babies. She tried to power through her feelings but they caught up with her unexpectedly. A dispute with another shopper over the last bag of onions turns into desperate cries of “It’s not fair!” 

This Is Us - “Talk About It” Episode

Ever had a moment like that? It’s like when you’re trying to keep it together at work after a round of layoffs. People walk around on eggshells, wound up from all the changes. The smallest thing can set someone off. Offenses and fears fester right when we need to focus on getting the business on track. 

By contrast, giving ourselves the space to grieve can help us move forward and see new possibilities. When we are faced with unexpected circumstances, publishing CEO and author Michael Hyatt suggests asking, “What does this make possible?” It’s like looking at a closed door and, instead of wallowing, searching for the window that just popped open. We need to get to a place where we can re-orient our focus on the future.

But that is only possible when we have dealt with the emotional setback we experienced. Like an emotional Spring cleaning, we need to go through what’s happened, figure out what to keep (the lessons, the growth) and what to let go (the bitterness, the ‘what ifs’).

Previously, we discussed the parallels between modern organization upheavals and the biblical narrative of Joab and Amasa. To briefly recap the story, Amasa, appointed general in Joab’s place, was struck down by Joab in a power play that left their troops stunned and demoralized (see 2 Samuel 20). Joab’s leaders had to move Amasa’s body to the side of the road and cover it because the men were frozen in place.

Amasa

While their actions were cursory, they allowed the troops to move forward. The soldiers needed to focus on the battle ahead of them and stop a rebellion before it spread. But they couldn’t advance until acknowledging the tragedy before them.

Like these troops, we need to pause, acknowledge the loss, and regroup. Then we can turn our attention to working hard to prevent the business from facing further setbacks. Moving past corporate upheavals can be tough, but it’s the only way to clear the air and focus on what’s next.

Speaking of communal loss, the recent mess at the International House of Prayer of Kansas City (IHOPKC) hit hard for many. Not only was a leader they admired implicated in abuse, many of the organization’s leaders went on the defensive. That robs people of the safe space they need to grieve corporately and ask hard questions. They risk falling away from their faith entirely due to unprocessed loss and disillusionment.

Emotional pain is hard to express. It’s also hard to believe in a good God when you no longer trust the people who were supposed to represent Him. IHOPKC’s community members and others facing similar situations need shepherding through the process, regardless of whether the pastor is found guilty.

Whether in a professional or community setting, emotional intelligence in leadership is crucial. It’s unrealistic to expect immediate enthusiasm for new direction when these entail significant loss. Leaders must listen to concerns while guiding the team towards a shared vision.

Do you have a story about riding out the storm of loss, at work or elsewhere? I’m all ears. Share your tips and let’s help each other find the way forward, together.

Note: For a striking depiction of a character struggling with long-suppressed grief, check out another scene from This is Us.